Friday, September 30, 2011

Short Film Treatment

Logline: Jacob owes money to a loan shark. Loan shark captures his girl friend. Jacob is given a time allotted to get the money or his girl friend will be killed.

Beer cans on the table, trash on the floor and clothes hanging on the couch. Man is still asleep with despair.
He dreams of his girlfriend being taken away from him and receiving the threat of her death.
Man awakens from dream sad and depressed.
Man thinks of how he must get the money to pay off the loan shark.
He decided to rob his neighbor's house.
Man breaks into his neighbor house.
He is able to break open the bank and steal the money.
Neighbor opens the front door just as man is about to open it.
Man is forced to put neighbor to sleep out of panic.
Man calls loan shark and tells him that he has the money.
Loan shark tells man to meet him at his house in the remaining time left or else.
Man runs off to meet Loan shark.
Man makes it to the house.
Girlfriends voice is behind the closet door.
Loan shark assures man that he'll give her to him for the money.
Man gives Loan shark the money and opens the door.
Girlfriend is lying in the chair, wrapped in rope, with tape recorder next to her.
Girlfriend was already killed.
Man looks back at Loan shark.
Man is shot.
Man wakes up from dream.
Girlfriend comforts him and tells him to go back to sleep.


  1. I can see the basic idea and the narrative of the treatment, and it could prove to be interesting with more work. I can see how it is related to Run Lola Run using a loved one as motivation for the character. The way the film ends is cliche and unsatisfying. It needs more detail and more underlying themes that relate to Run Lola Run before it is ready to become a film.

  2. Pretty intense...but just like Michael said, I can see the basic idea and narrative of the treatment/story. Try incorporating time some more, even in the dream to emphasize certain aspects. Try adding a twist to the end, instead of the cliche waking up from dream. And make sure to add some important symbols, motifs, and themes. It has good potential!

  3. Nice story! i like it all the way up until the cliche ending where he wakes up from a dream. Although "man" doesn't really have a specific time frame to operate in he definitely is pressured to do what he needs to. For the final draft of the treatment you can use the recorder as a motif. Perhaps this man has been duped before and his life flashes before his eyes in seconds.

  4. I see how this connects to run lola run with the urgency of the money but as everyone stated before try constraining the limits of time in your film. Increase the pace, create a limit of sorts to really push everyone through. Although I think the ending is a bit overdone and I think itd be a more powerful peace to end before the waking from a dream. Itd be like run lola run, different.